Thursday, September 29, 2011

Elections Successfully Completed!

Editor's Note: We apologize for the delay in the elections.  It seems that Jones Dimpel-T'shad, Manager of Election Services, was so busy teaching our citizens about democracy that he forgot to ensure that the ballots and ballot boxes were in place.  He received a stern talking to from Interim President Robert Aygotcha.

Aryn al-Ibn Aawa:  The national elections came off without a hitch this week, and without the wholly unexpected violence that usually accompanies these sorts of things in this part of the world. 

The Carter Center agree that it was an unusually successful third-world election.  Robert Kransninski, graduate student in political science at the University of California - Berkeley and Carter Center observer, reported having a wonderful time assisting with the Yerbouti elections.  He described the residents as "polite, friendly and very helpful."  He was especially impressed with the sincerity of the Yerboutians and their desire to hold secure elections.  Robert, who spent the day in the northern village of Aryn al-Ibn Aawa, told us that "Throughout the day, armed men guarded the polling place from danger and even escorted residents to the polls to ensure their safety.  I have never seen anything like it.  Yerbouti is the best!"

Robert was kind enough to snap pictures of the election in
Aryn al-Ibn Aawa for us.  Here, armed men are ensuring the
safety of local residents as they are escorted to the polls. 

We have to agree.  Yerbouti is the best!

The election results are still being tabulated and will not be released for some days.  But locally, we were amazed to learn that Hezeb al-Neby received 100% of the vote here in Aryn al-Ibn Aawa.  The people seem to be of one mind in this remote desert village.

Stay tuned for your election results.  We are all waiting with baited breath.  Who will lead Yerbouti into the future?  We don't know yet.

This has been just one more edition of 'What's Happening in Yerbouti?' coming at you from Wacca Jawacca.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Yerbouti National Elections Special Edition

WACCA JAWACCA:  With the Yerbouti national elections coming up at the beginning of September, 'WHiY?' is going to give you the scorecard today so you can decide in advance which party you want to represent you in Parliament and in the presidential hotseat as Interim President General Robert Charles Aygotcha will step down as soon as the elections are concluded to resume his role as high mucka-mucka of the Combined Defense Forces.  In the end, eight political parties were able to get their Petitions to Represent submitted in time for the election deadline. 

The following parties will be on the ballot, along with a brief synopsis of their platform:

*Colonialist Party: Wants to return to being a French colony.
*Good Juju Party: Supports the teachings of a traditional shaman from southeastern Yerbouti.
*Hezeb al-Neby: Wants to make Yerbouti an Islamic state and institute Sharia.
*Kathy Lee Party: So excited that she is opening a sweatshop in Yerbouti that they want her for president.
*Labor Party: There is no labor in Yerbouti.  But since there soon will be they wanted to get an early start on the politics.
*Loyalist Party: Wants to return the former president to office.  If they can find him.  Early in the Civil War, he ran off to Syria with the national treasury of 250,000 pokah t'ships.
*Nationalist Party: Thinks that General Aygotcha is doing an outstanding job as president and wants to keep him as president.
*Tribal Party: Wants the dissolution of modern government and the return of all authority to the tribal elders and shiokh.

In preparation for the elections, Jones Dimpel-T'shad, named the nation's Manager of Election Services a month or so ago, has been frantically working to make sure everything runs smoothly and that Yerbouti has a fair election.  "And it better be fair," General Aygotcha once again warned the parties participating.  "Or else."

Part of Mr. Dimpel-T'shad's job has been to teach the locals about elections and what it means to cast a vote.  In the village of Juuji Frute, Mr. Dimpel-T'shad explains the process to the residents.  "It's very simple," he said.  "All you have to do is put a pencil mark on the paper next to the name of the group that you want to run the country and then fold the paper up and put it in the box."  That does sound very simple.  "Not every one can win, but all of the parties will be represented in Parliament."  Concerned residents made faces indicating their displeasure with that statement.  "We will then collect the boxes, count the ballots, and name the winner after a suitably dramatic amount of time has passed," he concluded.

Mr. Dimpel-T'shad also announced in a special press conference held in Wacca Jawacca that Yerboutian ex-patriots will be eligible to vote in the elections.  All they have to do is watch The Miniatures Page Polls section in the coming week for the ballot and they will be able to vote once their identities have been verified. 

This has been another special edition of 'What's Happening in Yerbouti?' coming at you from Wacca Jawacca.