The Phoenix Rises from the Ashes

WACCA JAWACCA:  Day after day, week after week, the progress in Yerbouti is heartening and hopefilled.  Interim President General Robert Aygotcha is pleased that everything is running so smoothly.  "My plans for Yerbouti are coming along nicely," he was overheard telling his cabinet.  "Soon life will return to normal for our simple people."

Agricultural Minister Wa'tah da Plance, announced that everything has gone well with the planting season and most regions are reporting that they have completed planting their local crops.  Some regions are already seeing plants rising from the soil and hopes are high for a successful season.  Since Yerbouti has two planting seasons, three for some crops, this could be the best year in history for Yerbouti's subsistence agriculture-based economy. 

Finance Minister Shomy da'Muny stated that the pokah t'ship, the official currency of Yerbouti, continues to be stable and has actually climbed to 5/8 of an American cent, back to where it was when international trading in the t'ship began a few weeks ago.  This stability further increased the hope of Yerboutians everywhere and astounded international analysts, who questioned the economic basis for stability of the t'ship.  "The Gross National Product of Yerbouti is virtually non-existent...always has been...and probably always will be!" a flabbergasted Alan Greenspan, former chairman of the Federal Reserve Board of the United States, blurted out in a press conference.  Minister da'Muny responded to this statement simply.  "Deh Yerbouti pokah t'ship isn't just a colored bit of plastic. As every citizen of Yerbouti knows, it has real value and you can buy t'ings wit' it."  The pokah t'ship comes in five color-coded denominations - the 1, 5, 10, 25, and 100, which correspond to the colors white, red, blue, green and black, respectively. 

A flabbergasted Alan Greenspan commenting on Yerbouti's economy

Colonel Gnu Gobangbang, interim chief of the Combined Defense Forces of Yerbouti, announced that the CDF has already formed two training classes of recruits and one of officer candidates and that these first 125 trainees have this week begun learning the military arts at Yerbouti's primary military base, Fort Don'wannagohdeh.  Again, international experts question how Yerbouti was able to get classes formed and in training so quickly and wonder who is training them.  Rumors abound, but little hard fact is known as Colonel Gobangbang is not answering questions on these issues. 

It is known that General Lok N'Lode, Commander of the Bongolesian National Defense Forces, with the approval of His Excellency, President-For-Life P'hat Daddee B'wonah, has offered military assistance to Yerbouti in the form of advisors, trainers and specialists.  In a statement from the general he offered, "In the spirit of international cooperation the military advisors of Bongolesia are only too willing to get to Yerbouti, and do what we need to have done to Yerbouti, before they get overrun by the destructive forces of those surrounding third world hell-holes, (and you know who you are)...We merely await the invitation to move ourselves into, and to help protect and enhance Yerbouti..."

Upon consultation, Interim President General Aygotcha and Colonel Gobangbang decided to politely decline this most generous offer made by the people of the African Nation of Bongolesia on the basis that "Yerbouti is already overrun with foreign military assistance, most of which was invited by the government, and excellent military advisors are already beginning to train the fledgeling CDFY."

Curiously, a spokesperson for the Sultanate of Ifat thought it necessary to warn the government of Yerbouti, that Bongolesia's offer was "a trick."  No further comment was made and we have been unable to uncover what was meant by this comment.   

Additionally, the CDF announced this week a stunning find at Fort Don'wannagohdeh.  While clearing barracks and warehouse space for the new training classes coming in, CDF soldiers discovered some old French military equipment which had been left here when the country abandoned its former colony.  Among the equipment found in the back of Yerbouti's famous Warehouse 51 behind piles of boxes, crates, garbage and broken materiel were two World War II-era American-built M3 Stuart tanks, an M8 HMC and three M3 halftracks, along with a few other miscellaneous vehicles.  Work will begin shortly on restoring these vehicles to operating condition and they will become the backbone of the CDF's First Combined Arms Battalion once recruits have been trained to operate them effectively. 

One of Yerbouti's M3 tanks at Fort Don'wannagohdeh.  Fabled

Warehouse 51 is shown in the background.

Now that the planting season is over and people have time on their hands, rumors of unrest are beginning to circulate as well.  In the north, Islamic radicals are said to be forming factions aimed at taking over the country and making it an Islamic state.  In the south and east, opposition parties are said to be forming, some with militias in order to give them support at the polls.  Trouble has also been reportedly brewing with the foreign military contingents which have entered Yerbouti under the auspices of protecting it in the power vaccuum that formed after the end of the civil war.  All of this is, of course, rumor, but hopefully we will soon uncover what is really going on in Yerbouti.  Interim President Aygotcha issued the following declaration in response to our questions: "Any parties forming militant factions in the Republic of Yerbouti with the intention of overthrowing this, or any other legit gov'mint of this country, will be dealt with swiftly and harshly as soon as we once again have a trained military force available to us." 

Coming back at you from Wacca Jawacca, this has been another installment of 'What's Happening in Yerbouti?'