That's right - you read it here first! The results of Yerbouti's first national democratic election has been released by the government. Jones Dimpel-T'shad, Manager of Election Services is breathing a sigh of relief. The elections are over and have come off without a hitch, despite the threats from various fringe elements to wreak havoc on the day of the elections. Interim President General Charles Robert Aygotcha congratulated Mr. Dimpel-T'shad on his success and is looking forward to turning over national authority to the rightful president of Yerbouti in a change of power ceremony in the coming month which will also see the swearing in of the new Parliament. And now, the long awaited results showing the party, % of popular vote, seats won in Parliament and a reminder of their primary platform:
Colonial Party: 21.26%, 11 seats (seeks a return of French colonization)
Good Juju Party: 22.71%, the winners of the election, 11 seats (seeks the
leadership and wisdom of Jujubee Shakerattl'n'roll, a tribal medicine man in
the southeastern provinces)
Hezeb al-Neby: 4.83%, 2 seats (seeks an Islamic state and the Sharia)
Kathy Lee Party: 13.04%, 7 seats (seeks the presidency of Kathy Lee Gifford)
Labor Party: 7.25%, 4 seats (as there will soon be labor in Yerbouti, seeks to jump on the band wagon)
Loyalist Party: 6.76%, 3 seats (seeks to return the pre-Civil War regime to the presidency)
Nationalist Party: 10.14%, 5 seats (seeks to keep General Aygotcha in the presidency)
Tribal Party: 14.01%, 7 seats (seeks the end of governmental authority and the return to tribal leadership)
In the form of a brief analysis, even though the Good Juju Party has a plurality, it does not hold a majority of seats and will have to form coalitions with other parties to accomplish pretty much anything in Parliament. While they will receive considerable support from the Tribal Party, this support still does not give them a majority and it is commonly supposed that the more established (such as they are) parties will be cautious to combine with them as they are most definitely a regional party focused on their own interests.
The victory of the Good Juju Party was something of a shock to the national system. Most analysts considered General Aygotcha a shoo-in, though some foresaw tough competition from Kathy Lee, who, by the way, has not been heard from since her nomination to the presidency although construction of the sweatshop which will be producing her clothing lines for American consumers continues on schedule in the outskirts of the national capitol, Wacca Jawacca.
For his part, General Aygotcha is happy to be returning to his rightful role as Big Daddy of the Yerbouti Combined Defense Forces. While appreciative of the support of the Nationalist Party, he is more at home with his troops than in the big city of Wacca Jawacca. "Yerbouti needed a strong man to get them over this hump, but can now revert to civilian authority and the leadership of a crazy man. Fortunately, I will remain at my post as Head Honcho of the CDF and will be here to pick up the pieces next time as well," our microphones caught General Aygotcha telling his supporters off camera at a post election rally.
When asked for comment the Good Juju responded, "Let the good times roll!" And good times there are in Yerbouti's future as jobs and trade will begin to flow and the country profits from its global connections.
In other news, the Sultanate of Ifat has announced that it is sponsoring the training of Bongolesian rebels by a Russian officer. We sense that this does not bode well for Bongolesia, the Sultanate of Ifat or the rebels!
This is "What's Happening in Yerbouit?" signing off until next time. Coming at ya from Wacca Jawacca.