Wednesday, December 21, 2011

No News is Good News

WACCA JAWACCA - At least that's how the saying goes.  But is it true?  We have heard little from the government since the elections.  President Jujubee Shakerattl'n'roll, a tribal medicine man from the southeastern provinces, has taken office and now sits at the head of the most modern government Yerbouti has ever had.  Interim President General Charles Robert Aygotcha has returned to his regular position of Butt-Kicker-in-Chief of the Combined Defense Forces.  Jones Dimpel-T'shad is packing up the election materials and dreading the next national elections in two years.  The people of Yerbouti are waiting for the other shoe to fall. 

The big news is the fall of the Crazy Colonel, H'wakhy K'Dhaffy, in the country to the north.  Although locals are still reporting that they occasionally see him wandering the desert seeking shelter and food in exchange for some little green books, the international rumor is that he was offed by his own people who finally got tired of his shenanigans.  So much for the policy of "dar dar, bait, bait, zenga, zenga."  Yerbouti is expecting much more peaceful relations with the new government now.  Unless another bunch of zanies takes over.

The renovation of Yerbouti's heavy military equipment is complete and made its debut in training manuevers in the desert, doubling as protective patrols.  The World War II-era vehicles were dredged up from the bowels of the fabled Warehouse 51 located at Fort Don'wannagohdeh where they had been mothballed by the French colonial army who knows how long ago.  The equipment was restored to combat readiness with the help of Honest Abdul's General Goods and Military Surplus, located in the Sultanate of Ifat.  General Aygotcha stated that "we appreciate the help of the government of Ifat expediting the exportation of various parts for our military hardware to help us prepare ourselves against enemies foreign and domestic.  So you countries eyeballing our beautiful lands better watch yourselves.  Or else."  Next up, the equipment will be repainted as soon as it returns from maneuvers.

The section sergeant reports in after arriving on station in the
 borderland where the desert meets the savanah.

The early morning patrol gets underway.

Two soldiers depart their armored personnel carrier.

The Kathy Lee Sweatshop Project is running right on schedule and will shortly be ready to open its doors to Yerbouti's workers, producers of high quality goods for export.  The building itself is almost finished and the company is simply awaiting the latest-model sewing machines it ordered from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and the fabric to get the workers started in production.  Applications are now being taken.  Please apply in person.  Foreigners need not apply.  Finance Minister Shomy da'Muny believes this project and its spin-offs will triple or even quadruple the miserable economy of Yerbouti. 

An example of the modern sewing machines
ordered from the Democratic People's Republic of
Korea.  Picture from an informational brochure.


This just in: President Jujubee Shakerattl'n'roll has returned from his retreat to the wilderness where he was seeking a vision of the future of our grand country.  We didn't even know he was gone.  Still in a trance-like state, the president mumbled to our reporter, "The leopard has been killed.  The lemurs are playing in the trees.  The lion will eat the gazelle."  OK.  We're not sure what any of that means, but it's obviously going to be interesting around here for a while.

Coming at you from Wacca Jawacca, it's 'What's Happening in Yerbouti?'.